Uneasy Rider

I was takin' a trip out to L.A. Toolin' along in my Chevrolet Tokin' on a number and diggin' on the radio Just as I crossed the Mississippi line I heard that highway start to whine And I knew that left rear tire was about to go Well, the spare was flat and I got uptight 'Cause there wasn't a fillin' station in sight So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car It was right in front of this little bar Kind of redneck lookin' joint, called the Dew Drop Inn Well, I stuffed my hair up under my hat And told the bartender that I had a flat And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one There was one thing I was sure proud to see There wasn't a soul in the place, 'cept for him and me And he just looked disgusted and pointed toward the telephone I called up the station down the road a ways And he said he wasn't very busy today And he could have somebody there in just 'bout ten minutes or so He said now you just stay right where you're at And I didn't bother tellin' the durn fool I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go I just ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar When some guy walked in and said; "Who owns this car? With the peace sign, the mag wheels and four on the floor?" Well, he looked at me and I damn near died, And I decided that I'd better wait outside I layed a dollar on the bar and headed for the door Solo break Just when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin These five big dudes come strollin' in With this one old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth And I was almost to the door when the biggest one Said "You tip your hat to this lady, son." And when I did all that goopy hair fell out from underneath Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight In Jackson, Mississippi on a Saturday night Especially when there was three of them and only one of me They all started laughin' and I felt kinda sick And I knew I'd better think of somethin' pretty quick I just reached out and kicked old green-teeth right in the knee He let out a scream that'd curl your hair But before he could move, I grabbed me a chair And said "Watch him folks, 'cause he's a fairly dangerous man." "Well, you may not know it, but this man's a spy He's an undercover agent for the FBI And he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan." He was still bent over, holdin' on to his knee But everyone else was lookin' and listenin' to me And I layed it on thicker and heavier as I went I said "Would you believe this man has gone as far As tearin' Bush stickers off the bumpers of cars And he voted for Bill Clinton for president." "He's a friend of them long-haired, hippie type, pinko fags I betcha he's even got a Commie flag Tacked up on the wall, inside of his garage He's a snake in the grass, I tell ya guys He may look dumb, but that's just a disguise He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage." Solo break They all started lookin' real suspicious at him And he jumped up an' said "Now, just wait a minute, Jim You know he's lyin' I've been livin' here all of my life." "I'm a faithful follower of Brother John Birch And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church Hell, I ain't even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife." Then he started sayin' somethin' 'bout the way I was dressed But I didn't wait around to hear the rest I was too busy movin' and hopin' I didn't run outta luck When I hit the ground, I was makin' tracks They were just takin' my car down off the jacks So I threw the man a twenty an' jumped in an' fired that mother up Dale Earnheardt woulda sure been proud Of the way I was movin' when I passed that crowd Comin' out the door and headin' toward me in a trot And I guess I shoulda gone ahead and run But somehow I couldn't resist the fun Of chasin' them all just once around the parkin' lot Solo break Well, they're headin' for their car, but I hit the gas Spun around and headed them off at the pass I was slingin' gravel and puttin' a ton of dust in the air Well, I had 'em all out there steppin' and fetchin' Like their heads were on fire and their asses was catchin' But I figured I oughta go ahead and split before the cops got there When I hit the road I was really wheelin' Had gravel flyin' and rubber squeelin' And I didn't slow down 'til I was almost to Arkansas Well, I think I'm gonna re-route my trip I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped If I went to L.A. - via Omaha