Arose

If I could rewind time like a tape Inside a boombox, one day for every pill or Percocet that I ate Cut down on the Valium, I'da heard everything But death is turning so definite—wait! They got me all hooked up to some machine I love you, being, didn't want you to know I was struggling Feels like I'm underwater submerged like a submarine Just heard that nurse say, my liver and kidneys aren't functioning Been flirtatious with death, skirt-chasing, I guess It's arrivederci, same nurse, just heard say they're unplugging me And it's your birthday, Jade, I'm missing your birthday Baby girl, I'm sorry, I fucking hate when you hurt, Hai And sweeties, thank you for waiting to open gifts But, girls, you can just open 'em Dad ain't making it home for Christmas Wish I had the strength to just blow a kiss I go to make a fist, but I can't make one, I'm frozen stiff I yell, but nothing comes out, I'm crying inside, I shout My vocal cords won't permit me, I scream, but it's not aloud You put your arm around Mama to calm her, wow I just thought about the aisle, I'll never get to walk us down Never see you graduate in your caps and gowns It's 'bout to be 2008, how's this happening now? I've got so much more to do And, Proof, I'm truly sorry if I let you down, but this tore me in two The thought of no more me and you You gave me shoes, Nikes like new for me for school Doody, I'm trying, but you, you were the glue that binded So many things—time, I'd give anything to rewind it I had to walk down my halls and constantly be reminded By pictures all on my walls and I couldn't sleep at night 'cause That image burned in my brain of you on that table Me falling across your body, not able to stand to save you God, why did you take him? I´m tryna keep his legacy alive, but I´m dying, where's Nathan? Little ladies, be brave, take care of your mother Smile pretty for pictures, always cherish each other I'll always love ya, and I'll be in the back of your memory And I know you'll never forget me Just don't get sad when remembering And, little bro, keep making me proud You better marry that girl 'cause she's faithfully down And when you're exchanging those sacred vows Just know that if I could be there, I would And should you ever see parenthood, I know you'll be good at it Oh, almost forgot to do something, thank my father too I actually learned a lot from you You taught me what not to do And, Mom, wish I'd have had the chance To have one last heart-to-heart honest and open talk with you Doody, I see you, I go to walk to you And I can feel my soul leave my body and float across the room Nurses lean over the bed, pulling tubes out Then the sheet over my head, shut the room down Girls, please don't get upset I see them cheeks soaking and wet, so forcibly, don't wanna let Me go, pillow drenched, emotional wrecks With every second, each closer to death But suddenly I feel my heart begin to beat slow Then a breath, machines go (*beep beep beep*) Must've guessed the cheat codes to this shit I'm tryna rewind time like a tape Find an escape, make a beeline, try and awake From this dream, I need to re-find my inner strength To remind me, even if a steep climb I must take To rewrite a mistake, I'm rewinding the tape