WERE YOU BORN AN ASSHOLE OR DID YOU WORK AT IT YOUR WHOLE LIFE EITHER WAY IT WORKED OUT FINE CAUSE YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE TONIGHT YES YOU'RE AN A......S-S-H-O-L-E AND DON'T YOU TRY TO BLAME IT ON ME YOU DESERVE ALL THE CREDIT YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE TONIGHT YOU WERE AN ASSHOLE YESTERDAY YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE TONIGHT AND I'VE GOT A FEELIN' YOU'LL BE AN ASSHOLE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE (LEAD) AND I WAS TALKIN' TO YOUR MOTHER JUST THE OTHER NIGHT I TOLD HER I THOUGHT YOU WERE AN ASSHOLE SHE YES I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE ASSHOLES CAUSE YOU'VE KNOWN THEM YOUR WHOLE LIFE AND SOMEBODY TOLD ME YOU GOT AN ASSHOLE FOR A WIFE (REPEAT FIRST VERSE) (I couldn't find Rodney Carrington's.... ......but here's Jimmy Buffet's)