Advice From A Divorced Gentleman To His Bachelor Friend Considering Marriage

You should stay away from roses And be careful to avoid chocolate hearts Keep distant from romantic notions ‘cause that's where love most often starts Be sure to steer clear of diamonds And mink coats are most certainly out too For if she goes in for that kind of thing She just might fall then what you will do You know you've always been the sort Who's truly only fond of the sport And who would never be satisfied Reclining in slippers by the fireside With a wife's constant nagging For things that you can't provide Who no longer bears resemblance To that soft spoken flower You were so desperate to have for your bride Too much conversing with a woman Tends to dull a man's wit Never be taken in by poets Who claim that love if it's pure will never fade Though love may last all right in a bibliotheque In the real world, man, it's too easily unmade So don't take your freedom for granted Don't let curiosity take you for a ride As years drag on when you wake up next to her You'll wish that in your sleep you had died You'll wish you had died