Twisted - I Steal Everything

Want food, but got no money? I'm screwed, or so it would seem That's why I came up with this brilliant scheme Just steal everything! (spoken) Alright, monkey, let's feast! MONKEY, spoken Yeah, yeah! ALADDIN, spoken Ugh. Raisins. I hate raisins. Hey, little orphan kids, you guys hungry? Want some bread? ORPHAN KID, spoken We do, sir. ALADDIN, spoken Fetch, you fucks! (Sung) For real, I'm not that picky I'll steal whatever's in sight Don't judge, 'cause you don't understand my plight ORPHAN KID, spoken Hey, my crutch! ALADDIN, sung It's mine now, loser I steal everything CITIZEN, spoken Bread! Bread for sale! Reasonably priced for these hard times! ALADDIN, spoken Ah, hey there, friendo! CITIZEN, spoken Not you again! Please, you—you just stole a loaf of bread from me this morning! ALADDIN, spoken Yeah, and you gotta stop putting raisins in it, man. I hate raisins. I was talkin' to Monkey about it, and he thinks N.C. we should just kill you! N.C. But I was like, no, Monkey, that's crazy! N.C. But now I'm kinda thinking... yeah. N.C. ...No more fucking raisins. (Sung) Did you know in this barbaric country They only give you money if you work? Thanks, but no thanks, the man I'll keep stealing all I can, Instead of being a fascist yuppie jerk CITIZENS Hippie! Fucker! Slacker! ALADDIN Sucker! Who would seek employment When life offers such enjoyment? Anything I get, I can get for free Besides, the economy's shit So I make haste when making exits Get chased by a murderous mob Hey man, still beats getting a job (spoken) Am I right? OLDER WOMAN, spoken Getting in trouble a little early today, aren't we Aladdin? ALADDIN, spoken You're only in trouble if you get caught. WOMAN, spoken Aladdin? ALADDIN, spoken N.C. I'm in trouble WOMAN, spoken After that night we spent together, my belly grows big with child. My father says that you must marry me now, or I'll bring dishonor to my entire family. ALADDIN, spoken Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah I can't give up on my dreams and settle down just because your dad's being a dick. Besides, if I do marry, I want it to be for love. WOMAN, spoken Oh, Aladdin... I understand. ALADDIN, spoken You're such a special girl, Jezebel. WOMAN, spoken Who's Jezebel?! ALADDIN, spoken Uh oh - Busted! WOMAN, sung Asshole! ALADDIN Oh, wow. WOMAN'S FATHER Douchebag! ALADDIN Hey now! Just one question, why, man? WOMAN'S FATHER 'Cause you stole my daughter's hymen! ALADDIN N.C. That's completely fair, but in my defense, Dude, your daughter's hot. I feel that it's my duty to steal, 'cause stealing's an art I'll steal clothing and shelter, whatever I lack Candy from babies, the shirt off your back! Credit, identities, thunder, and scenes Intellectual property, whatever that means. And if you'll look closer, This poor little orphan will steal your heart!