No beard, No good There's not enough beards in my neighbourhood And you can tell me you can't I know that you could You've got no beard and you're, no good Well there's a beardless man in the flat next door I've never spoken to him before and I never will until he grows a beard and there's a beardless man in the flat below I ignore him when he says hello and I always will Until he grows a beard Until he grows a beard No beard, No good There's not enough beards in my neighbourhood And you can tell me you can't I know that you could You've got no beard and you're, no good Well there's a beardless boy playing in the street I pass him and I spit at his feet, it's his own fault He should have had a beard And there's a beardless girl I broke her heart I also keyed her car, it's her own fault She should have had a beard She should have had a beard No beard, No good There's not enough beards in my neighbourhood And you can tell me you can't I know that you could You've got no beard and you're, no good Well there's a beardless banker, he calls me on the phone He asks me to pay back my loan, but I won't Not until he grows a beard And there's a beardless man, he calls me son He asks me to dinner but I never come, and I won't Not until he grows a beard Until he grows a beard No beard, No good There's not enough beards in my neighbourhood And you can tell me you can't I know that you could You've got no beard and you're, no good