INTRO: SPOKEN OVER INTRO: -Alright, here's my tribute to everyone who's ever wanted to be a country singer, includin' me. Well I'll starve myself so I can be skinny, just to get a record deal I'll let 'em paint me up and take pretty pictures, while I try to be myself And nobody wants an ugly fat singer, so I gots to do my part I get pumped-up, decked-out, hire myself a band, 'cause I'm gonna be a county star N/C CHORUS: And then someday he's gonna fly to Vegas, sportin' him a copper tan He's gonna spend most of the money he makes tourin' with his five-piece band Yeah everybody says the ride is gonna end, but when it's all said and done I'll be rich fat and ugly but happy if the girls still like me some SOLO: SPOKEN OVER SOLO: -Don't sound too bad to me, Bill -No, it's a plan -Retirement at it's best -That's right, got me a Lear jet, a limo and everything, but you before you can have all that, you got to do the groundwork first -Bill, talk to me, show me the line-up -Getcha a pencil and paper, here we go -I got to hear about the pieces to this puzzle -Alright Well I'll hire a manager, agent and producer, and get some publicity (it's a necessary evil) I'm gonna pay 'em all a big fat percentage jus' to tell me what I need (ouch) Then when I've had it and they've run me ragged and my record's in the discount bin (whatcha gonna do Bill?) I'll fire 'em all (get 'em Bill!) and tour much cheaper as just another old has-been N/C CHORUS: Then you can bet one day he's gonna fly to Vegas sportin' him a copper tan (Like George Hamilton) He might keep a little more of the money he makes travellin' as a one-man band (I don't need no roadie) Yeah eh-everybody says Bill the ride's gonna end, but when it's all said and done I'll be rich fat and ugly but happy if the girls still like me some Yeah I'll be rich fat and ugly but happy if the girls still like me some