Verse Christmas comes but once a year And when it comes it brings good cheer A season of goodwill and fun And yet while most of us feel festive Grinches out there just get restive And spoil it all for everyone Pre-Chorus Though it’s too much to expect you to be nice You’ll find that life is easier with this advice Try not to be a cunt – it’s Christmas. Take a tip from Santa’s elf The rest of us are doing our best to be jolly So don’t go looking like you’ve swallowed a bunch of holly Don’t shout at carol singers and tell them to stop Don’t buy your presents from the Oxfam shop For fuck’s sake be merry, have another sherry And try not to be a cunt. (’Cos Santa’s coming) Try not to be a cunt. (Look, there’s a reindeer.) Try not to be a cunt C–U–N–T cuntidy cuntidy cunt.