Intro: verse 1 To think you could be sitting watching telly by the fire Instead of being subjected to this, To think someone suggested you’d be pleasantly surprised And wouldn’t feel the need to poo and piss. Well, blame your partner; direct that flack at your partner Though yes, I’ll accept I’m the focus of your ire. Gail and Sonya have gone down town on a hen night And they won’t be back until daylight, one assumes. verse 2 This is like a dream you’ve dreamed you’d dream about one night This is where you never want to be, This is where some fella standing next to you may shout: “Do that one about the Zuiderzee”. Hold your horses; we might play one you’ll relate to A song you could even gyrate to in a while. Ooh baby – sue the dating agency maybe They should have sent you Robert of Blaby, in his Merc (Blaby’s in Leicestershire). Intro Home sweet home; Facebook, Gogglebox, wine Who’s Stuart Boam, and why’s he swimming in brine? verse 3 Yes, of course I realise now we’re not your cup of tea Even worse it’s late and you’re still here, Possibly, just possibly we’ve raised a knowing smile Though probably you just need further beer. Mine’s a pint of Thatcher’s Entirely Blameless And we shall forever be nameless, you and I. Gail and Sonya, I think may have played a joke on ya So by way of small consolation I decree: – your ordeal is over here.