Intro: I'm the man that you need on the day that it rains I'm the wiser advisor on capital gains I'm the lowlife pretending to look at your drains I'm a bogus official - don't let me in. I'm the police, I'm the clergy, I'm measures and weights I'm the chap doing the survey on alley gates I need to know where you'll be on the following dates 'Cos I'm a bogus official - nice dress. Courteous, friendly, jolly and fat With a smile saying "look, I know it's under the mat" I don't give a fuck about your missing cat B-O-G-U-S official.