Intro (x8) (2) verse 1 Ground Control to Monty Don, The testimonial silver’s gone The circumstance here’s pretty thin The sun comes out when I go in. On the way home from spinning class she pops into the deli for artisan gossip He stays in the car leafing through a high end coffee bean catalogue Their dream is to open up a roasterie in the Keswick area. Chorus Get your hedge cut; get your fuckin’ hedge cut Get your hedge cut; get your fuckin’ hedge cut Start meeting friends, and cut your hedge. verse 2 Why can’t you say “orang-utan?” Why can’t you just say “Ku-Klux-Klan?” Who needs the library or the pub When we’ve got your creative hub? He got a Boardman bike on the “Cycle-To-Work” scheme, discovered he really enjoyed it; Started watching the Tour-De-France highlights on ITV 4 Worshipped at the altar of Wiggo and Froome-dog; goes out every Sunday in full Sky replica kit. Chorus Get your hedge cut, get your fuckin’ hedge cut Get your hedge cut, get your fuckin’ hedge cut Stop analysing Strava, and cut your hedge. verse 3 “It’s a wonderful Life”; it’s a wonderful film Tho’ the more I watch it the more I want Potter to succeed Not least when that lot up the road come out in to the street every New Year’s Eve Drunk on Ptolemy’s hock, hugging each other and going’ “hee-haw, hee-haw”. Every time a bell rings, I hate you some more Every time a bell rings, I hate you some more Every time a bell rings, I hate you some more Every time a bell rings. Outro (x6) (fade on last time)