(Intro) (x5) My girlfriend looks like Peggy Mount What am I supposed to do? I’m up the creek and never mind the paddle boy I haven’t even got a canoe. (x2) I sold my soul to an Arctic Roll I went to hell on a red skidoo I did the Shake’n’Vac and broke my fucking back And now my library books are nine weeks overdue. (x2) Knock, knock, who’s there? The patron saint of Llandudno The patron saint of Llandudno who? Tony Bastable. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours And I’ll be in heaven before you I love you because you Look like Jim Reeves.