Intro: On nights like this When the world's a bit amiss And the lights go down Across the trailer park I get down I feel had I feel on the verge of going mad And then it's time to punch the clock I put on some make-up And turn up the tape deck And pull the wig down on my head Suddenly i'm miss midwest midnight checkout queen Until i head home And put myself to bed I look back on where i'm from Look at the woman i've become And the strangest things Seem suddenly routine I look up from my vermouth on the rocks A gift-wrapped wig still in the box Of towering velveteen I put on some make-up And some lavern baker And pull the wig down from the shelf Suddenly i'm miss beehive nineteen sixty-three Until i wake up And turn back to myself Some girls they got a natural ease They wear it any way they please With their french flip curls And perfumed magazines Wear it up Let it down This is the best way that i've found To be the best you've ever seen I put on some make-up And turn up the eight-track I'm pulling the wig down from the shelf Suddenly i'm miss farrah fawcett From tv Until i wake up And turn back to myself Shag, bi-level, bob Dorothy Hammil do, Sausage curls, chicken wings It's all because of you With your blow dried, feather back, Toni home wave, too flip, fro, frizz, flop, It's all because of you It's all because of you It's all because of you I put on some make-up turn up the eight-track I'm pulling the wig down from the shelf Suddenly i'm this punk rock star Of stage and screen And I ain't never I'm never turning back