Transcribed by Rob [email protected] Intro: twice I know what you're all wondering Have Tripod ever been to Japan But you're ignoring a much bigger question Why don't the Japanese have a space program Why aren't there any Japanese astronauts Have you ever seen a Japanese astronau________t I'll tell you why you haven't seen one I'll tell you why You can't do the Japanese Tea Ceremony when you're an astronaut It's those damn fat gloves And you can't do the Japanese Tea Ceremony when you're in zero grav Cos the tea goes everywhere The tea goes everywhere Japanese culture's always fanscinated me From their traditions to their modern way of life But all their elegance and rich history Doesn't sit well with my interest in space Because you can't carry out a ninja style assassination dressed as an astronaut It's the luminous fabric (you're too visible) And they don't let you use a samurai sword when you're an astronaut You might puncture the suit You might depressurize Like a gremlin in a microwa_____ve But it's those damn fat gloves They're the main problem You can't nurture your tamagotchi You can't make an origami swan Have you ever tried to get a used panty vending machine into a space shuttle Well I've tried and they don't let you Fucking NASA red tape Interlude: I couldn't reconcile the two things that I loved So I threw away my dreams of outer space I had to find myself a whole new job Maybe in the sports arena I would find a place But you can't do a Japanese Tea Ceremony when you're a boxing champ It's those damned fat gloves again Those confounded puffy mitts loom in front of my face every night in bed I'm haunted by fat gloves You can't drink sake, you can't do bukkake Or ride a Kawasaki When you're an astronaut (let ring) And they don't let you be an astronaut on Japanese tele (let ring) Cos you're not enough of a red herring *************************************************************************** version Intro: twice I know what you're all wondering Have Tripod ever been to Japan But you're ignoring a much bigger question Why don't the Japanese have a space program Why aren't there any Japanese astronauts Have you ever seen a Japanese astronau________t I'll tell you why you haven't seen one I'll tell you why You can't do the Japanese Tea Ceremony when you're an astronaut It's those damn fat gloves And you can't do the Japanese Tea Ceremony when you're in zero grav Cos the tea goes everywhere The tea goes everywhere Back to verse Japanese culture's always fanscinated me From their traditions to their modern way of life But all their elegance and rich history Doesn't sit well with my interest in space Because you can't carry out a ninja style assassination dressed as an astronaut It's the luminous fabric (you're too visible) And they don't let you(Ooooh) use a samurai sword when you're an astronaut You might puncture the suit You might depressurize Like a gremlin in a microwa_____ve But it's those damn fat gloves They're the main problem You can't nurture your tamagotchi You can't make an origami swan Have you ever tried to get a used panty vending machine into a space shuttle Well I've tried and they don't let you Fucking NASA red tape Interlude: I couldn't reconcile the two things that I loved So I threw away my dreams of outer space I had to find myself a whole new job Maybe in the sports arena I would find a place But you can't do a Japanese Tea Ceremony when you're a boxing champ It's those damned fat gloves again Those confounded putty mitts loom in front of my face every night in bed I'm haunted by fat gloves You can't drink sake, you can't do bukkake Or ride a Kawasaki When you're an astronaut (let ring) And they don't let you be an astronaut on Japanese tele (let ring) Cos you're not enough of a red herri