Delaneys Donkey

(If you want to play along to original recording transpose down 1 tone to ) Now, Delaney had a donkey that everyone admired Temporarily lazy and permanently tired A leg at every corner balancing his head And a tail to let you know which end he wanted to be fed. Riley, slyly said "we've underrated it Why not train it?" then they took a rag They rubbed it, scrubbed it, they oiled and embrocated it Got it at the post and when the starter dropped the flag: There was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shushing it Hogan, Logan and everyone in town Lined up attacking it, n'shoving it and smacking it They might as well a'tried to push the Town Hall down. The donkey was eyeing them, openly defying them Winking, blinking and twisting out of place, Riley reversing it, everybody cursing it The day Delaney's donkey ran the half mile race. The muscles of the mighty never known to flinch They couldn't move the donkey a quarter of an inch Delaney lay exhausted hanging 'round his throat With a grip just like a Scotsman on a five pound note. Starter Carter, he lined it with the rest of 'em When it saw them it was willing then It raced up, braced up, ready for the best of 'em They started off to cheer it but it changed it's mind again! And there was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shushing it Hogan, Logan and Mary-Ann McGrath She started poking it and grabbing it and choking it It kicked her in the bustle and it laughed hee-haw! The Whigs and Conservatives, the Radical Superlatives Liberals and Tories they hurried to the place Stood there in unity, helping the community The day Delaney's donkey ran the half mile race. The crowd began to cheer it and Rafferty the judge He came up to assist 'em but still it wouldn't budge And the jockey who was riding it, little John McGee Was so thoroughly disgusted that he went and had his tea! Hagan, Fagan were students of psychology Swore they'd shift him with some dynamite They bought it, brought it, and without apology The donkey gave a sneeze and blew the whole lot outa sight. And there was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shushing it Hogan, Logan and all the bally crew Police and Auxiliary, the Garrison Artillery The Second Enniskillen's and the Life Guards too. They seized it n'harried it, they picked it up and carried it Cheered it, steered it to the winning place. Then the bookmaker's drew aside, and they all committed suicide The day Delaney's donkey won the half mile race!