The Ballad Of Barry And Freda

Intro: Verse 1 Freda and Barry sat one night, The sky was clear, the stars were bright, The wind was soft, the moon was up, Freda drained her cocoa cup! Verse 2 She licked her lips, she felt sub - lime, She switched off 'Gardeners Quest - ion Time', Barry cringed in fear and dread, As Freda grabbed his tie, and said... Verse 3 e |-----------| B |-----------| G |-----------| D |-----0--2--| A |--3--------| E |-----------| Let's do it, let's do it, Do it while the mood is right, I'm feeling ...ap - pealing, I've really got an appe - tite, I'm on fire ...with desire, I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir, Let's do it, let's do it to - night! Verse 4 But he said... ...I can't do it, I can't do it, I don't believe in too much sex, This fashion ...for passion, Turns us into nervous wrecks, No derision, my decision, I'd rather watch 'The Spinners' on the television, I can't do it, I can't do it to - night! Verse 5 But she said... ...Let's do it, let's do it, Do it 'til our hearts go boom, Go native, cre - ative, living in the living room, This folly ...is jolly, Bend me over backwards on m' 'Hostess Trolley', Let's do it, let's do it to - night! Verse 6 But he said... ...I can't do it, I can't do it, Me 'eavy breathing days have gone, I'm older, feel colder, It's other things that turn me on, I'm imploring, I'm boring, Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring, I can't do it, I can't do it to - night! KEY CHANGE - Verse 7 So she said... e |-----------| B |-----------| G |-----------| D |--0--2--4--| A |-----------| E |-----------| Let's do it, let's do it, Have a crazy night of love, I'll strip bare, I'll just wear... ...Sti - lettos and an oven glove, Don't starve a ...girl of a palaver, Dangle from the wardrobe in your Balaclava, Let's do it, let's do it to - night! Verse 8 But he said... ...I can't do it, I can't do it, I know I'd only get it wrong, Don't angle ...for me to dangle, Me arms 'ave never been that strong, Stop pouting, stop shouting, You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting, I can't do it, I can't do it to - night! Verse 9 Let's do it, let's do it, Share a night of wild ro - mance, Fre - netic, ...po - etic, This could be your last big chance... ...To quote Milton, to eat Stilton, To roll in gay abandon on the 'Tufted Wilton', Let's do it, let's do it to - night! KEY CHANGE - verse 1 e |-----------| B |-----------| G |--------0--| D |--1--3-----| A |-----------| E |-----------| I can't do it, I can't do it, I've other little jobs on hand, Don't grouse...a - round the house, I've got a busy evening planned, Stop nagging, I'm flagging, You know, as well as I do, that the pipes want lagging, I can't do it, I can't do it to - night! Let's do it, let's do it, While I'm really in the mood, Three cheers, ...It's years since I caught you even semi - nude, Be drastic, gymnastic, Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic, But... let's do it, let's do it to - night! verse 1 I can't do it, I can't do it, I must refuse to get un - dressed, I feel silly, It's too chilly to go without m' thermal vest, Don't choose me, don't use me, Me' mother sent a note to say you must excuse me, I can't do it, I can't do it to - night! KEY CHANGE - verse 1 e |-----------| B |-----------| G |--------1--| D |--2--4-----| A |-----------| E |-----------| Let's do it, let's do it, I feel I abso - lutely must, I won't ex - empt you, want to tempt you, Want to drive you mad with lust, No cautions, just contortions, Smear an avocado on m' lower portions, Let's do it, let's do it to - night! verse 1 I can't do it, I can't do it, It's really not my cup of tea, I'm harassed, ...em - barrassed, I wish you hadn't picked on me, No dramas, give me m' pyjamas, The only girl I'm mad about is Judith Chalmers, I can't do it, I can't do it to - night! KEY CHANGE - verse 1 e |-----------| B |-----------| G |-----------| D |--3--2--1--| A |-----------| E |-----------| Let's do it, let's do it, I really want to run a - mok, Let's wiggle, ...let's jiggle, Let's really make the rafters rock, Be mighty, be flighty, Come and melt the buttons on m' flameproof nightie, Let's do it, let's do it... ...to - night----------------------------! e |--6-5-3------------|------------------| B |--------6-4-3------|------------------| G |--------------5-3--|--3-2-0-----------| D |-------------------|--------3-1-0-----| A |-------------------|--------------3---| E |-------------------|------------------| verse 1 Let's do it, let's do it, I really want to rant and rave, Let's go, 'cause I know... ...Just how I want you to be - have, Not bleakly, not meekly, Beat me on the bottom with m' 'Woman's Weekly', Let's do it, let's do it... ...to - night-------------------------------------------! e |--6-5-3------------|-----------------| B |--------6-4-3------|-----------------| G |--------------5-3--|--3-2-0----------| D |-------------------|--------3-1-0----| A |-------------------|--------------3--| E |-------------------|-----------------| Alternative verse 14 e |-----------| B |-----------| G |--------1--| D |--2--4-----| A |-----------| E |-----------| I can't do it, I can't do it, It's really not my cup of tea, I'm harassed, ...em - barrassed, I wish you hadn't picked on me, No barter, non- starter, I feel about as sensous as Jimmy Carter, I can't do it, I can't do it to - night!