Intro: Anything I'm not afraid of the dark I'm afraid of what's in the dark That I cannot see Because it's so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark Verse: There might be a ghost in the dark That's pretty unlikely But there definitely could be a slippery spot And that's arguably even more frightening Verse: There might be a sudden level change Like an unexpected step down Your foot is still up in the air When your brain thought it'd be on the ground by now Verse: There might be some fungus 'Cause they like it where it's dark and moist Wait, are we talking about mushrooms? Athlete's foot, but you make a good point Verse: 'Cause some mushrooms are deadly And in the dark I might be fooled But it's not like you have to eat it But you know how much I love mushrooms I'm not afraid of the dark I'm afraid of what's in the dark That I cannot see Because it's so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark Verse: There could be two fractions in the dark And they need to be added together But I don't remember how to add fractions And I don't have a calculator Verse: There might be a jury summons And it says you gotta go in on your birthday But I have to look at murder photos While I'm trying to enjoy my ice cream cake Verse: There could be a brand new home Congratulations But they started fracking at the edge of my neighborhood And now my home is depreciating Verse: What if there's a blank canvas Where do I even start? And is it even worth the risk? Who am I? Should I go back to law school? I'm not afraid of the dark I'm afraid of what's in the dark That I cannot see Because it's so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark OUTRO: (Spoken) Maybe this isn't such a good idea. But there's Boba on the other side. We got to ride the tuck. Ride the tuck for the Boba